I’m Beautiful D***it

Don’t be thrown off by the title, I won’t be lacing this blog with harsh profanity! Those who know me are aware that I don’t use profane language in my everyday vocabulary. This title is actually taken from a song that I was recently introduced to by my bfff ! The song is one of self-affirmation that encourages all people to recognize the beauty that lies within us. Check it out!

I’m using this song to shine a light on the evolution of my self-image. When I was younger I never felt comfortable in my skin. I was more likely to be playing basketball with my brothers rather than playing dolls with my sister. My daddy is an avid fisherman, and we would take family fishing trips on the weekend. During these family trips I was most often found inside the truck reading a book; preferring the escape of fiction to actually fishing! I have a twin sister, and although we are not identical, people have always found it difficult to know who was who. My sister and I are different in many ways, most specifically in our body type. Thus, people deemed it easy to call her the skinny twin, which made me the FAT twin! While I know that there were no malicious motives behind this distinction, it worked to destroy my personal esteem.

I was not a part of the “in-crowd” in school, preferring the close circle of friends. We were all Band geeks and we loved being different. Yet, even with my circle I was still different because I was not interested in losing the big V, and instead of parties, we would most likely be found in church. I didn’t consider myself one of the pretty girls, and never thought I would be noticed by any of the guys whom I found attractive. I was not happy with any part of myself; my glasses were too big, I was too dark, and yes, even FAT!

There was no epiphany moment in which I recognized my worth; instead it was a slow progression into self-awareness. This self-awareness grew into self-knowledge which ultimately led to self-fulfillment. The more comfortable I became in my skin, the more my self-esteem grew. Truthfully, I have reached the point in life where I am so Happy Being Me! I love ME, even the things that I seek to improve upon. When people tried to question my femininity because I chose to wear my hair faded; it was cool because I was happy. I may not ever be supermodel thin, but I am so comfortable in my skin that it no longer matters. So whether other people recognize it or not, “I’M BEAUTIFUL DAMNIT!”

Make It Plain

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3 thoughts on “I’m Beautiful D***it”

  1. Aww!! You already know in my sentimental state I was about to cry. Very beautifully written. It’s crazy, b/c I’ve always known you to be confident and comfortable being you.I’m glad that you’re at the point where you LOVE being YOU, B/C that’s what matters 🙂

  2. Hands down…

    This has to be one of the most revealing things I’ve ever heard from you and I’m excited about it. The truth is I’ve watched you over these past few years (almost 4) and you’ve completely evolved. I’ve seen the low esteem and I’ve heard this discomfort. It’s a relief to see the progression. It’s a relief to see the passion. IT’S A RELIEF TO SEE THE PERSON! You’ve fought to live as DIANDRA….not the “fat” twin…not the “masculine” girl…not the celibate person.

    Over time, people defined you by your doings and that which you decided not to do, never realizing that behind all of that was a HUMAN BEING. I beg to differ with people. You were not a masculine girl….you were a girl who lived outside of the norm for other girls. You were not a fat twin…you were an individual that knew that everybody wasn’t fit to be on the fuller side of life. Everybody isn’t blessed like that.

    You were anointed differently. You were called differently. You will remain different. And this is why you’re Diandra. You refuse to live within the limitations of others while existing in the unlimited nature of who God is. I love it.

    Sorry, but I’M BEAUTIFUL DAMMIT! lol

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