Tag Archives: Favor

I’m Beautiful D***it

Don’t be thrown off by the title, I won’t be lacing this blog with harsh profanity! Those who know me are aware that I don’t use profane language in my everyday vocabulary. This title is actually taken from a song that I was recently introduced to by my bfff ! The song is one of self-affirmation that encourages all people to recognize the beauty that lies within us. Check it out!

I’m using this song to shine a light on the evolution of my self-image. When I was younger I never felt comfortable in my skin. I was more likely to be playing basketball with my brothers rather than playing dolls with my sister. My daddy is an avid fisherman, and we would take family fishing trips on the weekend. During these family trips I was most often found inside the truck reading a book; preferring the escape of fiction to actually fishing! I have a twin sister, and although we are not identical, people have always found it difficult to know who was who. My sister and I are different in many ways, most specifically in our body type. Thus, people deemed it easy to call her the skinny twin, which made me the FAT twin! While I know that there were no malicious motives behind this distinction, it worked to destroy my personal esteem.

I was not a part of the “in-crowd” in school, preferring the close circle of friends. We were all Band geeks and we loved being different. Yet, even with my circle I was still different because I was not interested in losing the big V, and instead of parties, we would most likely be found in church. I didn’t consider myself one of the pretty girls, and never thought I would be noticed by any of the guys whom I found attractive. I was not happy with any part of myself; my glasses were too big, I was too dark, and yes, even FAT!

There was no epiphany moment in which I recognized my worth; instead it was a slow progression into self-awareness. This self-awareness grew into self-knowledge which ultimately led to self-fulfillment. The more comfortable I became in my skin, the more my self-esteem grew. Truthfully, I have reached the point in life where I am so Happy Being Me! I love ME, even the things that I seek to improve upon. When people tried to question my femininity because I chose to wear my hair faded; it was cool because I was happy. I may not ever be supermodel thin, but I am so comfortable in my skin that it no longer matters. So whether other people recognize it or not, “I’M BEAUTIFUL DAMNIT!”

Make It Plain

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Favor

…reigns on my life! Simple lyrics taken from a song written by Pastor John P. Kee, and sung by LeJuene Thompson, are now blessing my life so immensely. People who know me are aware that I am not overly emotional, nor am I one known to easily cry! Yet, every time I hear this song and even as I sit to write this blog, I become overwhelmed with feelings of gratefulness. I realize that people may not understand why this particular subject brings me joy, but let me see if I can explain this to you!

Often people who know my story (I promise one day I will share), automatically assume that I have never done things that I regret. Yet, when I look back at the times when I almost let go; what if he hadn’t taken NO for an answer! When I reminisce on one October night when a man didn’t stop at the red light, and completely totaled my car. I remember hearing the witness say, “I’ve already called the police because I knew that the person in this car was dead.” When I consider all the things I do that I know I should not do, and all the things I say that tear others down. When I think about all the times that I caved to the pressures of others even when I knew I should have been the example, and yet God has never allowed my life to be fodder for the evening news! I recognize the awesome Favor of God that continues to rule over my life.

In light of the things that I have said, and even some of the things that I could not say I recognize that some may see this as unfair. Actually, I totally agree with you! I do not know why God has chosen my life to be favored, yet I am so thankful! It is for this reason that I try now, in all I say or do, to honor God! You can call me deep, if you so desire, but I know that it was God who rescued me out of that horrible pit.

So, I echo the words of this song: “When my life rejected destiny your favor came and rescued me! I thank God always for FAVOR!