Tag Archives: Relationships

The Chronicles of Glory

I’M SO EXCITED!!!!!

I am once again using this space to celebrate and promote my favorite singer and BFFF, Maranda C. Willis. Tomorrow, June 29, 2012, The Chronicles of Glory tour, commences in Florence, SC.

Chronicles of Glory

The mission. The mandate. The ministry.

The Etymology

1. (n.) chronicle: a chronological record of events; a history. 2. (v.) chronicle: to record in or as if in a chronicle.

The Scripture

2 Chronicles 5: 13-14, “It came even to pass, as the trumpeters and singers were as one, to make one sound to be heard in praising and thanking the Lord; and when they lifted up their voice with the trumpets and cymbals and instruments of musick, and praised the Lord, saying, For he is good; for his mercy endureth for ever: that then the house was filled with a cloud, even the house of the Lord; So that the priests could not stand to minister by reason of the cloud: for the glory of the Lord had filled the house of God.”

The Explanation.

In the same manner that the word itself is two-fold; such is the same for this tour. More than a tour it will be a testament of God’s power. It will reach beyond music to release a mandate; beyond a sound to establish a sanctuary; beyond a concert to provoke consecration. One thing makes all of this possible: His Glory. It has been mandated by God that this cloud of glory be released from the heavenlies into the earth realm. As it is released it will be recorded. As it is recorded it will be requested by people that are hungry for His presence. And beyond it being requested by people it will be received by God. As we experience His glory chronicles of glory will be created. Making HISTORY is not the focus; however, making HIS STORY known to the unbeliever and alive even the more in the believer is our focus. If the sound doesn’t provoke salvation it’s not His sound. If the music doesn’t proclaim the Message He doesn’t approve. We anticipate worship that will act as warfare. We anticipate power that will ignite our purpose. We believe bodies to be healed by His glory. We believe lives to be restored by His glory. We expect miracles to manifest in His glory. We agree with God for the impossible because of His glory. It’s a season of manifestation because of the rain of His glory. We humbly and reverently anticipate God through the manifestation of His Glory.

Again, the first stop on the tour is in Florence, SC…

the next stop will be July 13th in Monroe, NC.

Check out the flyers and if you are in the vicinity, make plans to be apart of this move of God!

One more thing, if you would like your Church or city to experience this awesome Woman of God, they are still accepting dates!!! For booking information, please contact Travis Brown at 704-712-5321.

This will be an experience like never before, don’t miss out!!!!

 

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Big Girls Don’t Cry

I have been away from this space too long. This period of my life led to a long, severe bout of writer’s block that has made it nearly impossible to even think about blogging. I have attempted several times to share my experiences in this format, but every time I attempted to do so, I would find myself just staring at the computer screen. I had so much to say, but did not have the words to say what was in my heart and mind. I have previously discussed how important and therapeutic Writing is for me, and to not be able to do so has been very troubling. The last few months have been like riding on the most exhilarating and frightening roller coaster; filled with ups and downs, highs and lows. Let me start at the beginning…

I’ve indicated before that I am not overly emotional, nor am I one known to easily cry! To be more specific I viewed my tears as a form of weakness. I was always okay with the tears and emotions of others, but at some point I stopped allowing myself the same luxury. I am comfortable being a listening ear for people, and helping them to deal with life’s triumphs and trials; yet, it is not easy for me to allow people to help me process when I’m “going through.” Starting in April I begin to really struggle mentally and emotionally. H-Town sung, “Emotions make you cry sometimes!” My emotions made me not want to have any emotions. I reached a point where it hurt too much to feel, so I tried my best not to feel anything at all. I was pretty good at hiding my feelings from even those closest to me; I appeared to be so strong but on the inside I was weak.  I didn’t want to confide in my family, and I felt that my friends could not understand. I felt very alone!!!!

Life felt unfair! I had tried to live a life according to God’s will and commandments, yet it seemed very much in vain! What had living for Christ really brought me; what had I gained from doing it “RIGHT!?” Perpetually single and lonely, unfulfilled in ministry, jobless, hopeless, and unhappy; I was at my wit’s end! I was a minister who needed someone to minister to me; a counselor who needed someone to counsel me. I had been there for everyone else, and in my most desperate hour, I was seemingly ALONE! Where were the words of wisdom I had given, where was the person on the other end of the phone willing to listen to me vent! Countless hours spent being a beacon of light for other people, and now I was lost at sea! Lost in despair! Lost in failure! LOST! People implored me to just release it in tears, but that was not easy for me to do.

From April to early June, I secretly struggled! I pretended that everything was okay, but I was slowly losing myself. The breaking point was something that happened with my best friend. In retrospect, the situation seems small and not deserving of what happened. I won’t describe the whole situation because I would like to keep somethings personal and private. However, in the midst of our disagreement I felt that what I thought and felt did not matter to a person whom I thought should care. These feelings, added to what I had been going through, led to me ending our friendship and completely isolating myself.  The next few weeks were the hardest weeks of my life, as my life seemingly unraveled. Over the next 14 days, I cried 12 of them; I just couldn’t seem to make the tears stop. I felt that God was punishing me, I felt that my friends were punishing me, and most importantly I felt that I was punishing myself for not being perfect.

I wanted to give up on everything: church, ministry, relationships, and even life. I was not suicidal, but I was at the point where if death was near I was ready! I wanted to be free of this world, and its stress; and to finally be at peace with God! I strongly considered having myself committed to a mental institution, where I knew I could receive the help that I felt that I needed.

The lowest point also became the turning point for me! I went to a service one night and heard the worship team sing “He’s Able” by Voices of Unity! I sat in the audience, and it took everything within me not to scream! My heart and most of my head knew and believed that God was indeed able; but there was a small part of my brain that kept saying if God is able why am I still dealing with what I am dealing with. I didn’t have a response to that question…my seminary training and holy ghost sought to give explanations, yet that did not change the thoughts! I left service before the preacher got up to preach. As I traveled home, I asked myself ” What did I do to deserve this?” All I ever tried to do was to be myself, and be the best daughter, sister, friend, servant I could be! Yet those efforts seemed to be for naught. I was so TIRED! I didn’t know what else to say or do; I was done!

I decided to listen to Pastor Jason Nelson’s, “Place of Worship!” The song “I Shall Live,” started to play. As Pastor Nelson declared that he would live in spite of adversity and trouble, tears begin to fall from my eyes, and hope begin to bloom in my heart! There was no immediate change to my situation, instead each day was better. The tears stopped, and I was able to smile again. I was able to laugh and feel joy and peace. I promised myself that I would set clear boundaries in all relationships to ensure that I never reached this place again. Thankfully, after some time I was able to talk things through with my best friend, and we were able to begin to rebuild our relationship.

This situation was both a challenge and a learning experience for me. It challenged my faith, my beliefs about myself, and my mental and emotional fortitude. I learned to really take the time to care for myself, and that it is okay to do so. I also learned that real friends will tell you when you are wrong, and also forgive you when you make mistakes. Most importantly this lesson showed me that my tears do not suggest weakness. Instead, I learned that there is strength in being able to release these emotions in tears. Big Girls know that not only do they cry, but they embrace this ability because those who sow in tears, really do reap in Joy!

I want to thank: my parents; my twin sister, Deandra; my BFFF, Maranda; my friend and brother, Jamil; and my sister-friends, Cordelia and Renata. These people listened to me, prayed for me, corrected me, and showed me the meaning of real family and friends. Things are looking up in my life, and I’m grateful to know that God really is able!

I’m enjoying the journey and always striving to Make It Plain!

It’s My Anniversary

YAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Today marks the one year anniversary of my blog, and what a year it has been. Throughout the course of this year I have moved from Texas to Georgia; marked the milestone of turning 30 years old, and have grown in every aspect of my life. This has been a year filled with ups, downs, joy, sorrow, happiness, and even some pain. I have shared some aspects on this blog that I have never talked with anyone about. I have introduced you to some of my family, friends, and favorite preachers. This blog has been one of the greatest decisions of my life.

While I’ve shared much, there is still more left to explore and to expound upon. I look forward to what the following years will bring. Thank you to everyone who read, and commented on the blog, I really appreciate you more than I can say. Please stay tuned because the best is really yet to come!

Love you all and let’s make it plain!

 

I’m Doing Me!

Happy New Year! I’M BACK!!! I’ve been away for well over a month, as I needed some time to regroup and refresh. I found myself in a new and unpleasant space during this past holiday season. I was drained: physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually! EMPTY!!! I was incapable of dealing with my own thoughts and emotions, so I was completely uninterested in coping with anyone else’s STUFF! On Thanksgiving, a day set aside to show gratitude for family and friends, I let my inner circle know that I needed a break from everybody, including them.  I indicated that I needed time away to discover what had led to this weariness. I’m grateful to them for their understanding and that they allowed me time to think, feel, breathe, and just BE!!

My time away allowed me to do some serious soul-searching, and deep introspection. I learned some things about myself and what I had allowed in my life, and I honestly didn’t like what I saw. I had to come to grips with the fact that I had placed my needs and wants on the back burner to care for other people. I was no longer participating in the activities that I enjoyed, and setting aside serious time for prayer, devotion, study, and writing. I could write more about what I discovered of myself, but I won’t belabor the point. Just know that I did not like all that was uncovered, and I had come to a crossroads. I could continue down this path that was leading to my demise, or I could redirect and refocus on the path that leads to destiny. I’m not dumb so I chose the latter option, and it has been one of the greatest decisions. I have had a renewed passion for God, ministry, writing, my family, my friends, and myself! I have resolved to be focused on doing things for myself, and not just for others. If I am able to meet the needs and desires of others, I will; and I’m going to do what is necessary to meet them for myself. Basically, I’m doing me this time around…Thanks Fantasia!

So stay tuned and always Make it Plain!

We’re Moving On Up

Major changes have taken place in my life beginning with a move from my hometown of Beaumont, TX, to Atlanta, GA. As I sat in the middle of boxes containing all of my possessions I couldn’t help but be grateful for all that God continues to do. In this year of transition, I have experienced God in new ways. I have seen God keep me through 6 months of unemployment and job searching. Through days and nights of questioning the validity of my three years of seminary education which had not led to employment. I’ve had to reevaluate the relationships that I have long-held so dearly. The process of letting go is one that makes me emotionally uncomfortable, yet one that has been necessary to my continued health.

The most important lesson I’ve learned is that God’s grace is truly sufficient. It’s not something that I’ve read about only, it is manifested in my life everyday. Even now, in the face of continued uncertainty, I trust the mercies that are new every morning. I echo the sentiments of the hymn writer when I say, “All I have needed God’s hand hath provided; Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!”

I’m not sure of all that the future holds, but I am sure of the One who holds the future and thus I will continue to move Forward!

Make it Plain!

Friends…how many of us have them!

My friend came to visit today; she is my oldest but not so dear. We’ve been friends for so long and we’ve never gotten along, yet no matter how I try I can’t bid this friend goodbye. When I’m strong, this friend makes me weak, in times of happiness, this friend makes me weep. Some have wondered, while analyzing this relationship, why I have not bid this friend a fond adieu. Honestly I have often wished that such a dream might just come true. However, when I look back in retrospect, I must admit that this friendship does have its benefits. For this friend reminds me that I am WOMAN, a unique and interesting creation. Most importantly, in light of all the people who I have called “friend,” this is the friend who has never let me down. So, friend, hope you enjoy your stay and I will wait for the day that you go away.

Make it plain!

Golden

I’ve been in love before, and honestly, IT SUCKED. Seriously, being in love with someone who does not return those feelings is emotional hell! I won’t bore you with the details today, but I will say I’m grateful that I survived. Now I’ve reached a point in my life where I’m constantly bombarded with those questions that all single women hate. “You ain’t married yet?” Clearly, are you wouldn’t be asking me this question! “So when are you getting married?” If I knew the answer to that, would we really be having this conversation? “So, when are you going to get married, and have some babies?” At this point in the conversation, my irritation level has moved beyond words and I’m trying my best to remember to respect my elders.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I have reached a point where I’m okay with being single. I don’t always like the feelings associated with it, but I’m happy being me; yet when I’m approached by these “well-meaning” people I can’t help the frustration that arises. I’m not living my life in a perpetual state of loneliness, nor do I spend every waking minute longing for a mate. I’m not at every church, restaurant, mall, etc. looking for a man. Yes, I do want to be in a relationship, and feel Love for that special someone. I want a Love that will see all of me, and love me because of what it has seen.

So, I echo the sentiments of Chrisette Michele:

I’m so ready to love, I’m so ready to promise my whole all, and I’m so ready to give til’ the day that my life is no more. I’ll be everything that this woman could possibly be, yes I will; ‘cause I’m ready to be like the olden days when commitment was golden.

On June 26, 2010, my parents will be celebrating 39 years of marriage. My view of what a relationship should be  is based on watching my parents live and love for all of my 29 years of life. Some have suggested that these types of marriages are no longer possible, and that I’m deluding myself for believing that I can enjoy this same time of happiness and longevity. You can call me a romantic or even idealistic, but I believe that not only is it possible but that it will happen for me. So, until the time comes, I will be living my life, loving my friends and family, and enjoying this journey.

Make It Plain!